I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
