Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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