I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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