i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
