I accidentally burped into my bong.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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