Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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