The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
