why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The adults are the big ones right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
