What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
