I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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