I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize