and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
