Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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