The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you had me at cake vodka
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bring me that man meat
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
