I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
