better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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