My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
