that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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