Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
