The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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