Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
