I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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