His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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