Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
