i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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