she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
