i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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