I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
