atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
organizing the empties. That sober.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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