In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My cat gives me a boner
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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