i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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