So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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