This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
