I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Barsexuality is the new black.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just high enough for therapy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
