I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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