Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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