Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
