I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
