So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
