You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
