Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
