what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize