Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
