Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize