You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
