He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize