Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
