A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
