Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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