I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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