Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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