I think I died a long time ago.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
