omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
