I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
