puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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