I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
