someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
