I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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