dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I stole a fireplace last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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