Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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