I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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