He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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