afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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