i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
