but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
