If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Randomize
