the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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