I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
