we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize