I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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